When I just can’t get past my hurt and anger, I’ve found the following technique to be extremely effective as a first step in the forgiveness process:
Get it down on paper OR use the “empty chair” method. Pour out your heart and soul as if you’re actually talking to the person who’s hurt you.
Tell them how you feel, and how angry and hurt you are. Whatever you want to say, anything goes, because noone else is going to know what you’re saying. Get it all out there.
Ask yourself, “If I could say everything single thing I want to say to (fill in the blank) and didn’t have to worry about the repercussions, what would I say?” Then say it, either on paper or to an empty chair.
The idea is to give yourself permission to be mad, hurt, and whatever else you feel, and not keep your feelings pent-up inside you where they grow and fester.
It’s cathartic, and I always find that after I do this, I start to feel better and can start processing the situation and thinking about it a little more clearly.
This is not the time I confront the person who’s hurt me. This IS the time when I start confronting my pain and getting it out of my system so that I can deal with the problem with my head and not with my raw emotions.
Forgiveness takes time, and it can be extremely difficult.
Forgiveness is an ongoing process, it’s not a one-time proposition. But forgiveness IS possible.
There are no “quick fixes” and there’s a lot more to it than simply yelling at an empty chair, but taking this first step is a giant leap down the road of forgiveness and letting go.
Try it and let me know how it worked for you. I’d love to hear from you!
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